


home (is where the heart is)

by nbsherlock



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (not btwn mags and taako), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Justified Anger, M/M, Reunions, Unjustified Anger, also, anti sazed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 11:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbsherlock/pseuds/nbsherlock
Summary: age affected them differently.magnus moves on, taako doesn't. they feel the same.written before e55.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in. two bursts of writing. one like two months ago and one tonight. so. honestly i can't tell you if this is cohesive or good. but. i like how some of it sounds so here it is.

age affected them differently. 

taako lost opacity, over time. his skin dulled down from the vibrancy it used to hold. something only noticeable to someone who had seen him up close, seen the way he would flush, before. all over, a slow creep of color that coincided with a smile or a laugh or a furrowing of the brow. 

now, he was able to look right through himself. trying so hard to conjure up the emotion he used to have so close, a heavy grief settling on his shoulders every time he tried. 

they had drifted apart, that's all. friendships faded and lives were lost. (but that was just it. they were all still alive. they were just. apart.)

\--

magnus travels. he makes a new home, the ache of age settling in on him. adventure lost its charms along with that of love and loss and life and death. 

there is no use, he thinks with dutiful frustration, in looking back. 

all of his stories have been lived through, long-told. he settles into an armchair and prepares to write a new one. 

a young, brighteyed elf with so much hope for the future. so much faith in those around him. a traveler. he loses everything and then finds something new, something better. 

it writes itself, as all good stories do. 

\--

loneliness is the most miserable feeling. 

taako would laugh, back then, at the prospect of feeling it at this degree. he had friends and fans and he may not have had family but he had friends who mattered more. 

and now, nothing. 

the trip is the least he can manage to relieve some of the feeling. 

\--

a knock. a knock in a pattern so precise, so perfect. 

"taako, what are you doing here?" magnus says as he opens the door. 

"was in the area," taako grins. he has round glasses sitting on the end of his nose and his hands flutter as he slips past magnus and into the front room. "nice place."

"um, thanks." magnus closes the door behind him and stares as taako appears to catalogue the entirety of his house. 

"must get lonely up here, no?" taako says from another room. 

magnus sighs and sinks into his chair. "not really."

taako slinks back into the room and peers at him. "it doesn't?"

"i've been writing."

"uh-huh," taako agrees. "not really a replacement for a roommate, though."

"taako, listen."

taako perks up, "listening."

"why are you here?"

he seems to deflate. "can't just be visiting?"

"well, it's been years and you haven't visited so far, so-"

"a guy can't have a change of heart? yeesh, maggie, a real glass half empty attitude-"

"don't-"

"call you that. yeah, i know." taako flits around the room for a while more before settling in a chair near magnus. "okay, then, big guy. what'cha been writing about?"

embarrassment floods him, all at once. "nothing."

"a whole lot of nothing," taako notes of the stacks of journals and sheets of paper around them. 

"yeah," magnus shuts the topic of conversation down. 

taako pulls his knees up to his chest. "nice place, though."

"yeah."

taako stares at him for a minute more and then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his entire frame visibly rising and falling. 

"you look..." magnus starts. 

"awful. i look awful, and old. and i think i'm dying." 

magnus flinches. 

"jeez, i'd think you'd be over the whole 'me dying' thing what with how not-pleased you seem to have me here."

"i'm not not pleased to have you here."

taako's eyes fly open and he smiles. "no?"

magnus scrubs an age-weathered hand over his face. "no. i'm just not used to being around people."

"well, i can tell. you haven't offered me anything to drink since i got here."

magnus rolls his eyes and fights a grin from crawling onto his face. "fine. one key lime gogurt, coming up."

\--

on the topic of where he's been staying, taako freezes up. "um, haven't really," he bites at the inside of his cheek, "haven't really settled down yet. y'know. used to travelling. don't know what home's like or something."

magnus stares at him. "so you... don't have a house? or like... anywhere to stay?"

"i've got plenty of places to stay, compadre."

"for more than one night."

"i do two nights, sometimes," he says, voice light. so painfully blasé about the whole thing. 

"you know what i mean. you haven't. lived anywhere since-"

"yeah, well. like i said. life of a vagrant and all that. all i want to do is travel and see the world, yadda yadda yadda."

"is this a joke?"

the color in taako's face fades. "is what a-"

the memory takes him. one second he's in magnus's warm living room and the next he's. where is he?

"is this a joke? this whole thing. some kind of sick joke?" his voice creeps over taako's shoulder and nests there. he shivers. 

"i'm not-"

"no, you are. you're a complete joke. you don't know shit about cooking. you know i'm better at this than you and still-"

"sazed, i-" 

"it's just so fucking typical of you, you know?" he spits, "first the name of the show and now this? now i'm not even supposed to be a part of what i helped create?"

"i didn't mean-" 

"shut up." taako flinches back as sazed lurches forward. "you did. you just want me gone, don't you?" he grabs him by the shoulder and digs his fingers in. "i'm not going anywhere, taako."

"no, i-" taako stutters, flinches, shuts his eyes. his stomach lurches like he's going to be sick. "i didn't-"

"taako?" sazed says. 

"what-"

"taako! taako are you-"

\--

"-alright?"

and then he's back. the space around him feels warmer, cozier. like the walls have closed in around him. no more wide open space. no where to run. and he's safe, he is. 

"taako, are you-"

"yeah. yeah, i'm fine, i-" he struggles to his feet, his body tilting forward before he catches himself. "i should go. it was stupid to come here."

"no, taako, really, it's fine. we'll have dinner or something."

"i should go home."

"i thought you didn't have one."

the words soak through to his bones. frigid, uncomfortable. "fuck you."

"taako, that's not what i meant. i just meant-"

"i don't care what you meant!"

magnus stands up and walks closer to him. "i just meant you can stay."

taako looks down at his shoes. worn, scuffed. the feeling of grief and anger washes over him so suddenly he doesn't have a second to think about it. 

"no. no, you don't get to offer me that when you're the one who did this, you're the one who insisted we-" he employs air quotes, "'keep our distance' when i just wanted to stay together."

"merle wanted to go home-"

"well, merle had a home!" taako brings up a shaking finger and jabs it into magnus's chest. "we didn't. and you still decided you wanted to go off on your own."

"i just needed time to myself, taako. after everything that happened, you know i needed time."

"you... you needed time?" his words echo in sazed's voice but he shakes them away. "we all went through the same shit, magnus. we all lost everything."

he bites his lip and magnus can't do anything but stare with one hand held out as his eyes begin to tear up. "the only difference is that you found a home and i found nothing. and i was afraid to- to talk to you because i thought maybe."

time freezes. 

"thought maybe what?"

"you'd've... moved on, or something, i don't know-" he starts to giggle. the kind of awful nervous sound that magnus knows he can't control. "i told you it's stupid. i told you i'm stupid." he grips his hands in his hair. "i told you."

magnus takes another step forward and then they're touching. "i didn't move on."

"well, i can see that," taako mumbles. 

"no. i mean-" magnus swallows. "all of these journals, the notebooks. they're all filled up with. stories about an elf going on adventures."

taako looks up. "what?"

"stories about. you. you and me. and you and me and merle. and noelle and carey and killian. and angus. and-"

"you didn't-"

"move on, yeah. i didn't. i can't." he closes his eyes. 

taako looks down. he sees his shoes, worn. he sees magnus's feet, in woolen socks. he thinks about home. 

"i don't want you to go." magnus says, shocking taako out of the thought. "i think i want you to stay."

"you want me to-"

"yeah. then at least i can stop writing about you."

taako starts laughing, it bubbles up in his chest and fills the whole room. it brightens magnus's entire house, brightens taako's eyes. makes it feel like the world has lit up. 

magnus joins him, a low chuckle in stark contrast. 

when they calm down, taako sighs and looks over the living area in front of them. "you never got a dog."

"no, i thought it would be a bad idea. can't take care of yourself, can't take care of a dog."

"we could..."

magnus closes his eyes. "yeah, we could."

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated. currently im @nbmaeborowski on tumblr!


End file.
